and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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