you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize