ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
