Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
