i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
