forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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