you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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