I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
