it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
