I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
