I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
