If that was your dad, he is hot
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You don't make any sense
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