You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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