Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize