I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
