Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
