Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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