By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
