He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
