i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i wish my penis had a tongue
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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