She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and i looked up. we had an audience...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
