I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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