I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
