we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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