I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize