Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
