I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
