Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
