I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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