first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
