Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
