I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
