GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Randomize
