cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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