There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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