Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
