May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
