new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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