Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
