I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
