Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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