you win again, gameday.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
