So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
