Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
