Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
