she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
