Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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