i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
