There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
