Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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