i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
