Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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