I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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