We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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