I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
