I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
