I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize