If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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