Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
