Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
