grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
