lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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