I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
