I want to have your abortion
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im holly from the hills drunk
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
