piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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