1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
