You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
